Banshee invasion

Picture this:

The time is 3:40 am, and I am catching up on my beauty rest when THE BANSHEES INVADE.

It started in the courtyard with what sounded like a wild stampede of elephants, all singing the hokey pokey (which, in retrospect, I can say was actually a hilarious song choice.) Then, obviously, out of the 5 staircases we have here, the banshees decided to come up mine.

I’m not even kidding, it sounded like friggin Sparta. I think at one point they had out a battering ram while singing “hey jude.” And then they started throwing miscellaneous objects down the staircase. I think one threw one of those huge fire cones. Like, where did you EVEN get that, and was it really worth carrying it up the ten flights of stairs just to throw it down again? I HATE YOU.

In any other scenario, I might have said “why, that is quite an eclectic compilation of songs you’re singin there, hats off to you,” or possibly even “that actually sounds really fun, albeit destructive, and I think I might like to join that wild rumpus!” But at 3:40 in the morning I was in NO MOOD.

So finally I get up the nerve to call public safety, and NOBODY ANSWERS. Like WHAT IS THIS PLACE WHAT IF MY SAFETY WAS SERIOUSLY JEAPORDIZED AND YOU PEOPLE JUST DECIDED NOT TO ANSWER THE PHONE. MY BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS, PUBLIC SAFETY. This school is bullshit, sometimes. I'm going to go assess the damage.

In other news, I just read a newspaper article that says one in five students at my university work in the sex industry in order to pay for their education. That explains why there are always prostitutes outside of my building- they LIVE here!


Also also, I woke up this morning with rice krispies in my bra. Like HOW DID THEY EVEN GET THERE. I wasn't even drunk last night. Probably they were strategically placed by the banshees.