I have zero tolerance for bell peppers

Here are the advertisements that came up for me on facebook today:

Meet girls on Zoosk looking for guys like you!

Pregnant? Get lots of free goodies and great advice for you and your bump, when you join the Cow & Gate Mum & Baby Club. Join now!

Learn to drive and get your license from £10! We search the whole market to get the cheapest lessons in your area. Choose where and when and we do the rest!

Like… something is not adding up. Aren’t facebook ads supposed to be specifically geared towards me depending on my demographic information? What about my recent searches could possibly imply that I am a pregnant 16 year old boy? Get it together, f-book.

Speaking of facebook, Hope got a very interesting friend request today from somebody named “Young Love.” Upon further investigation, here is what we learned in Mr. Love’s ‘about me’:

“Well a simple guy by my standard and will like to know many friends and maybe best buddy and by the grace of god my missing rib.”

I mean I don’t even know where to start here. Why would you ever seek your missing rib via a social networking site? Is rib some sort of slang term that I haven’t yet come into contact with? I mean clearly it ain’t American slang, considering how he “will like to know many friends.” Have the snipers strategically targeted Hope via facebook? Only time will tell.

In other news… somebody put a sleeve of bell peppers in the fridge today. Like… who needs a SLEEVE of bell peppers!?! Are you planning on making a fiesta salad to last for days and days!?! YOU’D BETTER NOT BE TAKING UP ANY MORE ROOM IN THE FRIDGE OR YOUR ITEMS WILL BE FORCIBLY REMOVED. TODAY I THREW AWAY SOMEBODY’S OLD TIN OF BULLSHIT THAT’S BEEN IN THERE FOR LIKE 3 WEEKS. SEE YOU TOMORROW WHEN I STRIKE AGAIN.

By the way can you tell me where to find the firey ginger beer? Oh right next to the dandelion and burdock. Get OUTTA here.