Whipit Good

So a legitimate problem I have been having lately is that I am getting my real life confused with my reality TV life. Like the other night we were walking past this really seedy looking bar called “Space,” and I was like OMG WE HAVE TO GO TO SPACE MY FRIEND TOLD ME IT’S LIKE THE BEST CLUB EV3R, AND THEN SHE ATE A PICKLE… and not until I looked inside to see a bunch of toothless old men drowning their sorrows and shedding their lonely tears did I remember that oops, my “friends” who told me that Space was a cool bar were the cast of Jersey Shore. “Space Miami” clearly didn’t do too well on the continental leap.

So when Terf visited the other weekend, her friend took us to a party with REAL Scottish people! What a novel idea! So we walk into this party and everyone is inhaling from these balloons they have in their hands, and my first reaction is obviously ‘omg lawlz sing the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas song,’ but then I slowly but surely come to realize that all of these people are doing WHIPITS. Like, the only way I even knew how to IDENTIFY a whipit was because I’ve seen The Basketball Diaries starring Leo DiCaprio and Marky Mark Wahberg, and also because I went to a MoNsr3R JaM concert once in the 7^th grade. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m not straight edge, I’ve had nitrous oxide before… at the DENTIST. Then I started getting real nervous that somebody was going to barf on me (because that’s what happens after they do whipits in the Basketball Diaries so probably that’s what always happens) so I called a cab off of my blackberry (that phone call probably cost like 12 pounds… sarry mahm) and went home alone. But this got me thinking… I mean I’m no expert on the drug scene believe you me, but even in the US aren’t whipits like, the thing poor people do in abandoned parking lots with cans of cheese whiz to forget about their crack babies and second mortgages? Who knew they were a real recreational drug? (… slash did everyone know except me?) All I know is, when I had laughing gas that time I got my wizzies out, I thought I was a bunny rabbit. Bunny rabbits have many natural predators, and I HATE CARROTS!! I don’t want to go back there again.

Another thing I noticed that I want to put on the things that are wrong list, is that seeing as I have gained xxx kilos while I've been here (Kilos are more than pounds- add that to the things that are wrong list too) I have naturally been looking for a quick and easy way to get skinni. (I like spelling skinni with an i- it makes the whole word look skinnier ya know?) They don't SELL them here. There's no trimspa, there's no hoodia, there's no acai to be found. Is this a sick joke? Am I actually supposed to stop eating late night chips and cheese and fried mars bars and start exercising? No THANK you, operation skinnijeans will commence when I'm back in the land of quick fixes.

Also, to follow up on last week's post, for your viewing (and listening, and possibly purchasing?) pleasure, I give you Scottish Culture Gary. For a mere 11 pound 50, you can simultaneously stimulate the Scottish economy and pay homage to the pied piper himself. And doesn't he look majestic in that pic? 


http://www.garywest.co.uk/