Tough day at the soup kitchen.

Today Annie and I made our second trek to the Greyfriars Community soup kitchen.

Sidenote- the other day I saw one of the homeless people I served just beggin in the street, and I stopped and said hi and we chatted. Like WHAT is the etiquette there? Like, no sorry Gary I don’t have any change, but thanks for your insight on the weather.

Anyways so we get there and I am put on potato peeling duty with a girl covered in piercing and tattoos with pink hair and really bad BO. I ask her name and she says “the name’s Vampy.” Like, no its not. I feel ridiculous saying “hey Vampy will you pass me a tattie or two” (I feel ridiculous saying this for many reasons) but I don’t want her to put any of her BO on me, so Vampy it is.

So we are casually peelin tatties and listening to the radio and a Beyonce song comes on. Naturally I’m like THIS IS  MA JAMM, to which Vampy responds “I’m going to shoot you with an AK47 if  you don’t shut up or put on some metal music.”

Like, OKAY VAMPY. I GET it. You’re an individual. No need to SHOOT ME.

So then I ask Vampy how long she’s been working at the soup kitchen. She says “a week, but I’ve been eating here well on two years.” TRICKY Vampy! I thought you were a civilian like me. But then for some UNKNOWN REASON she starts telling me about how she has 18 siblings and her mom left them and their grandmother took care of them but then she died and now Vampy has to take care of everyone and they don’t have a place to live. Like, HIT ME WITH A SACK OF TATTIES WHY DON’T YA I am not prepared for this. In addition, I have this problem where I don’t understand the Scottish accent until my brain has like 5 seconds to process it, so I’m standing there smiling and nodding and peeling tatties and saying “that’s nice” and then 5 seconds later realizing that oh eff, I just said “that’s nice” in response to “we haven’t had money for Christmas presents since I was 15.” Meanwhile, Annie is elbow deep in orange squish and old lettuce and looks like she’s going to vomit or cry. Tough day at the soup kitchen.

In other news, I have this really inexplicable fear of Wallace and Gromit that I forgot about until I saw some Wallace and Gromit memorabilia in a store. I realized the other day that I think it stems back to the fact that in our blockbuster they always accidentally put Wallace and Gromit in the horror movie section because the horror section was right next to the children’s section, and Wallace and Gromit was right on the border because it starts with W. LIKE, REALLY BLOCKBUSTER. NO WONDER YOU’RE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS. INSTILLIN FEAR IN INNOCENT YOUNG CHILDREN. So I see this Wallace and Gromit memorabilia in a store and I start sweatin, and Annie tries to explain to me how no, they’re not scary, they mostly are just go to the moon because they think it’s made of cheese and that’s about it. IM NOT BUYIN IT (literally. I will not buy that decorative Wallace and Gromit mug.)

Tomorrow we go to Rome. Smell ya later.